I have changed as I have gotten older. I have changed A LOT!! I had knew I was different but today it really dawned on me just how much I had changed over the past few years. And I must say, I am proud to have changed in such a way.
I was born on a farm where we raised and named and then butchered our own beef and lamb and pig. The barn cats came and went and one learned from a very early age not to truly love anything!
As I pondered on things this evening I likened the love I used to have like paint on the side of an old house or barn. You know the paint on wood that peeled off and chipped off over the years. A superficial love that kept one from getting hurt to deeply. One never allowed anything to penetrate very deep because that way when it died or left, one didnt get that hurt. I spent a good 36 years of my life that way, protecting myself from loving too deeply! Seemed like a good way to be.
No one would have ever called me a loving person! And to be honest, I was perfectly ok with that. I didnt want to love, it was way easier to just be and to never open myself up to being hurt. But what about you? Would others call you a loving person? Do you consider yourself a loving person?
Four years ago I opened a veterinary hospital. At the time I was still pretty hard and unpenetrable to love! I was a good enough business person to know that people had to think that I cared and loved their pet and I could fake compassion and concern with the best of them. I played the part and went home at the end of the day and never gave anything or anyone much of a thought.
Thankfully God was working in me. He was changing me! He was loving me even in my failings! He started teaching me the importance of truly loving and not just faking it! Let me tell you, it isnt easy!! To love truly, it hurts, it requires something from you, it takes time, it takes effort, it comes with a cost that is usually not repaid!
We were working cattle today and it was cold and many of them were sick. As they were driven into the chute and the hydrolic chute closed on their head or neck the sick ones would just let it happen. You could see the pain in their eyes, you could tell that they were hurting. There was a welling up in me of great compassion, not just for the cattle but it reminded me of the pictures that I had seen of the jews in the concentration camps. Treated like cattle. Given no care or compassion by those driving them. Falling down, being sick, hurting and the ones working them did not care. It made my heart ache for them even though it was years before I was even born!
Let me tell you, that is change in me! A few years ago I wouldnt have given a second thought to the heifers or what they were going through. Not that I am some animal rights activist, I am not, cattle are still cattle and meant to be eaten but I am glad that I have come to a point in my life where I actually care about how they are treated. It bothered me to see them fall and get stepped on. It bothered me to look over in the sick pen and see one dying while others stood around it and licked it. It bothered me that the sick ones had sad eyes.
Maybe it is because my own precious babies are sick today. They had fevers and didnt feel well. I dont really know but I do know that God cares about even the birds that fall from the sky so I am pretty sure He cares about a sick heifer as well so if He cares, shouldnt I care?
Lets go back to the question a few paragraphs ago, would you call yourself as a loving person? Let me ask you this, who do you love? Are you just loving your family and friends? Are you only giving your life to those who are involved in your everyday life? A stay at home mom taking care of her kids and husband? A husband working for his family? Those are all good things but everybody does that right? How does loving like that really make you a loving person?
Truly being a loving person means loving those who dont already love you! It means giving of yourself and not getting anything back for it! It means giving of your time to someone who doesnt care about you! It means giving your resources to someone who doesnt know you from Adam! It means loving the person who can do nothing for you! It means giving of yourself and not wanting that person to love you back or give back to you! That is what it means to be a loving person!
Let me tell you, God wants us to love those who hate us! He wants us to love the unlovable! He wants us to leave the comfort of our home and go out and give of ourselves to those who are in need! Do you ever do anything for the widow or the orphan? What about the man on the street begging for a handout? Or the veteran who is suffering from PTSD because he went to war so that you could stay home and love your family?
I have changed! I have gone from someone who didnt know how to love to being someone who wants to love! I want to spend myself for others. It is not anything that I have done but something that God has done in me as I have sought out His will for my life! I still have a long ways to go but I want to be more compassionate and to love completely! God wants His children to be doing and loving those who dont love us! How else are we to be a light unto the world? Let me ask you again, are you a loving person?
